Inner Psycho

There are days when I wonder if anyone really knew me, or if they spent time in my head, would they think of me as a complete psycho? One day I jokingly confessed this inner dialogue to my daughter who burst out laughing. Apparently, she related. I told her how sometimes I can’t believe that I have this good man of a husband who sticks around for me; he clearly does not know the depth of crazy that goes on inside my head. I feel that deep within each of us probably runs a similar dialogue of lies telling us things about ourselves we must stop listening to.

Talking to Myself

I heard it said that no one talks to me more than I talk to myself. If this is true, what is the narrative I’m speaking? Admittedly, I often talk to myself in ways that are contrary to who I am created to be. These unchecked thoughts swirling around in my head are like a dark tornado forming overhead seeking destruction, my destruction. If I spend too much time inside my head with those spiraling tornado-like thoughts, I begin to feel I am unworthy, less than, and alone. I’m so glad God provides another way – His thoughts. His thoughts are protection from the chaos of the lies in my mind.

Philippians 4 tells me what to think on, helping me to see myself and speak to myself as God sees me. I learned to ask God, how do you view me? What do you think of me as a wife? A mother? A friend? A ministry leader? A neighbor? When I allow His words to speak over me, they are always full of grace and truth, life-giving and life-changing. In His presence, there is no condemnation. I know He knows my sinful thoughts. Amazingly, He doesn’t reject me, His redeemed. What love is this? I’m addicted.

He doesn’t see damaged. He sees redeemed and restored.

He doesn’t see a psycho. He sees the beautiful mind He created.

He doesn’t see failure. He sees a future platform and purpose.

I heard Matt Chandler say, “God doesn’t have buyers’ remorse…” with those He redeemed on the cross. He knows me the most, and He’s not feeling regret calling me His own.

The Louder Voice

I can begin to deeply believe these truths and change the narrative of how I talk to myself about myself when I remember that my inner person is redeemed, an image bearer, declared righteous. That’s my identity. However, to know what He says about me and rehearse it, I have to actually know His words. I have to have them hidden in my heart, have access to them throughout my day in conversations, songs, print, even social media. I must set up my life to live in a community that will remind me of His truth about me as well.

My life must be built upon and around His words and voice, so when that inner psycho voice begs to be heard the loudest, I can exchange its words and voice for His. His voice that speaks freedom, love and acceptance over me.

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things."